Disappeared
by Atem no koibito
Summary: I'm here in this world for you, but now you've have thrown me away. I want to help you, protect you, but the more I do you seem to be pushing me away. My sole purpose is guiding you, and now that I can't, I'm slowly disappearing, disappearing fast. Please help me, stop this unbalance now! If you don't, it'll be too late. I'll be gone in a blink like sand.


**Hope you like this, depressive, one-shot.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Disappeared

* * *

Defeated, by the ones who appeared and took my place. Forgotten, by the words of comfort he received from the ones who meant less. Lost, to the joy he achieved without my help. Frozen, as he pushed me away and left me standing alone, lost in space. That is why I disappeared, realising that my presence, officially, meant nothing.

Older, smarter, wiser, all-knowing; the things I used to think I am. Brave, kind, caring, loving; what others say I am. Harsh, blunt, unforgiving, bitter; what those who don't know me thinks I am. As for now, I'm just a shell; it's what I really am.

Emotionless, unaffected, smiling without a cause. Cold, hard, stiffened to the bone. Unwilling to change, unwilling to move on. Thrown aside without seeing the pearl inside. So now I'm stuck at the bottom of the ocean, stuck in the position, of waiting to have some recognition- sympathy perhaps, maybe even pity; for what I have become.

Hands softened, burned flesh. Bleeding eyes, dying heart. Cold to the touch, a furnace inside. I've gone to hell, and unfortunately I returned.

Smiling face, darkened clouds. A soft feather, sharp iron. Peace on the outside, a war underneath. My meaning is gone, shattered and wounded. No one is there to pick up the pieces of my destroyed soul.

Still, is how I sit, my eyes hazed and faraway, staring out the window above. Barefoot, my toes brush with the bristles of the carpet. Laughter resonates around me, almost like a memory, even though it's right there with me. A soft nudge, and a voice speaks to me. " _Where are you lost?"_ it asks. Many answers pop into my head, but I just smile and reply; " _Don't fear, I'm right here."_ That seems to be enough, for he turns around and leaves, isolating me again. His question was custom, a force of habit they were unable to destroy. Sadly, the meaning was effectively damaged, the words were empty. No more concern, nor care.

 _He can take care of himself._

I'm drifting along this life which I have been chosen to live. What can I do other than care, about those around me? I cry alone, I beg in silence, then walk out the door without a care in the world. You say you know me, everything about me. Answer this then, why are you still unable to understand me? _"I do understand you."_ Then why am I sitting here, my mind in turmoil while my body seems fine?

You depend on others now, to give you advice. You're ignoring me, cold shouldering me, when it comes to yourself. What is it that you do not trust about me? I only want you to be well. Sitting here and watching you become something you're not, is like having my skin peeled off and not screaming.

Who is it do you value now? How much do you care? I'm sure you care a lot, but please show me that it's still there. Your actions should follow the words that you speak- do not contradict yourself, do not be a hypocrite. You are strong, you have the will. You're a fighter through thick and thin. We fought together, we got through it all. Then you tossed me away, tossed me to a place where I don't belong.

Everything is not fine with me anymore. I cannot look in the mirror, and call myself a good big brother. You've broken me down by making me watch your changes. You've shattered me even more, when you pretended they never existed. What can I do? I do not control your life. I can only sit and smile, believing that everything will be alright.

Tell me, how do I pretend without becoming a shell? By turning a blind eye from what's going on around me, I'm losing a piece of my soul. I'm becoming less of who I am. I can't watch you destroy yourself and do absolutely nothing about it. You won't let me help you, you won't let me in. So as you destroy yourself, you're destroying me as well.

Numb, helpless, broken inside. Smiling, uncaring, happy outside. Destroying my soul, ignoring my heart. Pretending I don't exist, just playing my part. I'm here, but I'm not. You're here, yet you're not. So close, yet so far. I'm ignoring me, destroying me, just to become who you are: oblivious. Oblivious of the world around me, not caring about those beside me. My eyes are on one, single little goal; where you can be free, and I can be me.

When you find me, it might be too late. When you need me, I'll already be past the gate. By the time you catch me, I might be gone for good. But that's in the future, now you still have time. Come find me soon, because as for now I've disappeared; disappeared into the dirt.

* * *

 **Review?**


End file.
